After spending most of the day today ready to jump back into working on the website, my motivation just jumped out of the window, and what followed was a complete haze of an evening where nothing got done. At first, I felt annoyed I hadn't gotten anything done. It's a typical occurence: I sit in an unproductive haze all evening, then feel bad because I lost another day. It's not a healthy way to be, but honestly it's hard to avoid it. I always have this feeling like I'm counting down the days I have left, and every day I waste is one less day I have to finish all the things I wanna do. This feeling definitely amplified as I got older for sure.
But something shifted when I realized it was too late to make myself feel bad about my inactivity. Sure, I might not be creating new pages left and right for my site, or advancing any of my other projects, but I'm giving myself some space to live. And that shifted my perception. Choosing to take the day off, to give myself the space to breathe and just watch some videos or shows I like, was the key to clearing out that productivity guilt.
I think the main thing a lot of us bemoan is that we end up going through our daily lives on autopilot. So when we're at the end of yet another day, we feel like we've wasted away. But I think that by taking back ownership of our decisions is a big part of it. Even if it's just a change of framing! Choosing to spend some time on YouTube, TikTok, etc. will feel far more meaningful than if you just go on there out of habit and boredom. Ideally we'd try to avoid them altogether, but hey if you're gonna go on there, do so because you Actively Want To!
So here's the takeaway for you, reader: find something you Want to do, and then Do it. Don't just go with the flow, divert it in a direction you want! Continue watching that show you stopped halfway through. Get back into that game you gave up halfway through. Tinker around with a creative project of yours. Hell, decide to make today a "lie in bed" day (if you can afford to anyway!) As long as it's something you choose to do, it will feel far more meaningful than if you get dragged into it.
Ironically I felt motivated to write a small blog post after deciding that today didn't need to be productive :P There's a lesson there in not forcing creativity, but that's a topic for another day.
Take care, and have fun doing things with intent!
-Billie
| Feeling: | Satisfied |
|---|---|
| Listening: | Kendrick Lamar - Alright |
| Watching: | Futurama |
| Playing: | Nothing today. We're just vibing. |
| Reading: | Kaukasos by TheOV (Life is Strange fic) |