This post was originally posted on Tumblr at the start of Pride Month 2024. However, as I believe it is a fairly important post, I decided to archive it on my blog, and backdate it to its original date. This archive was made on November 19th 2024.
With Pride upon us, I’d like to take a moment to reintroduce myself...
Hi! I’m Billie, I am nonbinary, bisexual, and use they/them pronouns! I’ve been figuring out my identity for the better part of the last 2 years, and I’m now at a point where I feel confident enough in myself to be more open about it!
I spent a long time in a weird spot where I felt no attachment to my assigned gender, and especially not to the gender roles that came attached to it. I would look at myself and though I could get used to looking at myself, it always felt like I was off. I often felt like my physical self was completely separate from my mind. It was a weird feeling, but I never thought much about it.
However, as I began finding queer spaces, I realized that I felt more at home in them than any other space. Through my exposure to other queer people, I slowly began to reassess how I saw myself. And pieces began to fall together very slowly, until it all finally coalesced.
Of course, that was only the beginning. Most people who have grappled with queerness of some kind will tell you that there are days where you feel like you’re bullshitting yourself, where you think it’s all fake. That was a struggle and a half. Still is! But what helped is to realize that I feel more coherent now than I used to. Going back would just feel wrong. This is how I knew this was for real. It might not be the point where my journey of self-discovery ends, but if it isn’t then for now it’s at least a nice spot to sit down and admire how far I’ve come.
Because figuring out who you are is a long and difficult journey. It can take years, even decades to figure out who you truly are. For some people, it will be a bumpy ride. Some people may end up right where they started. But it can be so freeing. You get to decide what it means to be you. Because who you are belongs to YOU. Not to your family, or your friends, your partners, your teachers, your elected officials. It especially doesn’t belong to these pathological hatemongers that think a 1st grade understanding of gender is enough to speak confidently on shit they never heard of before.
No, who you are belongs to YOU.
So to anyone reading this who relates to any part of my story, I see you. I wish you all the strength in figuring out who you are, and I hope you are someday able to blossom into your true self. You deserve it.
Happy Pride Month, everyone!
-Billie